Guest youth blogger Katherine Ngo is a Youth Ambassador for
Reach Out. Katherine is also a medical student and former National
Representative of the Australian Red Cross. She hopes to link
people of all ages with opportunities for personal and community
development. She writes a very interesting perspective on families
and their impact on our mental health and wellbeing...
Family
There is no doubt that our family shapes our mental
health. But mention the words family or
parents to a young person and most eyes will glaze
over. I remember having panic attacks in my childhood.
Unlike my sister, I was painfully shy and my parents would find
opportunities at concerts to encourage me to overcome my
fears. I would hate them. I knew they were right but I
hated it. Today, I am so grateful that they persisted through
my temper tantrums. If a young person were to mention that
they have difficulties at home, their parents have issues or they
feel misunderstood, would you just write it off as a normal and
move on to the next question? Family dynamics are so diverse
that it can be a sensitive topic to provide advice on. But if
family is so important, there has to be a way to improve these
relationships, right? Here is an evidence-based answer from
ancient China.
Confucius is known for many wise quotes but the Chinese
philosopher's seminal teaching is Di Zi Gui (literally
translated as Guidelines for Being a Good Person).
For over 2000 years (140BC - late 1800s), the text was the
foundation of the primary school curriculum. Di Zi
Gui is organised into chapters: first how to act towards our
parents and siblings, secondly how to interact with other people,
then attitudes towards daily activities, being trustworthy and
studying further. Sounds a bit like emotional intelligence (a
concept coined recently in 1985). Children in China would
memorise and study the text before learning actual subjects, like
mathematics or literature. It makes little sense to solve
international conflicts if we cannot even make peace with the
people who raised us or our family members who we see
everyday. The text is currently being reintroduced in Sydney
primary schools and the English translation of the first chapter is
below.
The teachings are simple to understand but practice may take a
lifetime to achieve. Perhaps the text may be used as
guidelines or an action plan. I will present the other
chapters in my future posts.
Analects of Confucius - Di Zi Gui
Chapter 1: Respecting and Loving our Parents at
Home
When our parents call us, we should answer them right away.
When they tell us to do something, we should do it
promptly.
When our parents instruct us, we should listen respectfully.
When they scold us, we should sincerely accept what they
say.
We should make sure our parents are warm in the winter and
cool in the summer. In the morning, we should greet them and show
them that we care. At night, we should make sure that they are
resting comfortably.
Before going out, we should let our parents know. When we
return, we should tell them that we are back. We should lead a
routine life, and we should not be constantly changing our mind in
whatever we do.
Even when a matter is trivial, we should not act without
permission or just do as we please. If we do so, then we are no
longer a dutiful child.
We should not hide any possession, no matter how small, from
our parents. If we do, they will feel hurt.
When something pleases our parents and is proper, we should
try our best to provide it for them. When something displeases
them, we should remove it.
If we injure ourselves, we will make our parents worry. If
we do something that is not virtuous, they will feel
ashamed.
When our parents love us, it is easy to be respectful and
loving. When they are angry with us, respecting and loving them
means we have a noble heart.
If our parents do something wrong, we should urge them to
change. We should do so with a kind expression and caring
voice.
Should our parents not accept our advice, try again when
they are in a better mood. If they still do not listen, our sincere
tears will show them how deeply we care. Should they get angry with
us, do not hold it against them.
When our parents are ill, we should make sure that they take
the right medicine. We should care for them night and day, and not
leave them alone.
For three years after our parent's passing, we should
remember them in sadness. We should live simply and not adorn our
home. Avoid merry-making, meat, and alcohol.
We should arrange our parent's funeral in a proper manner.
We should always honor them as if they were still alive and,
especially on the anniversary of their death, remember them with a
sincere heart.